Now, I don't know if it's time or children, that has initiated this shift. Hmm, maybe a combo of both? That whole "all or nothing, do or die, gung ho" attitude I have sported for so long has begun to fade and make way for a new way of being. This didn't happen over night mind you, did it have something to do with job loss, maybe it started after that with the loss of our house, or the loss of our beloved pets...hard to say there was a "moment when". Yet, somewhere in there and in the process of moving here, with out knowing it, I had begun to let go. Relaxing into the moment no matter how wacky or new it may be, actually started my okayness with so much of what used to get me all worked up into a busy busy frenzy, focused on what should or could be and really going for it no matter the cost. Fitness has been one of these hot buttons for me. I grew up dancing, classical ballet from two until age twelve. That fire and drive and love of movement has transformed over the years and now is centered around yoga and long distance running. There is something quite addictive to the meditation that is running, and because of that I can find myself pushing too hard, run faster run further, run faster and further...tomorrow! Short term there was great satisfaction, setting goals and reaching them is a great thing. Long term, a single focus on improvement begins to hint at never good enough. Mid run-my very first on the island, my trusty bike riding partner spies a monument just across the field from our path, usually the response would be "go ahead check it out but catch up quick, gotta keep up my pace" it just took a half a moment for me to say "yeah" and then tag along across the wet grass, where the monument wasn't the one he had hoped for but where we discovered these delicate little fan like mushrooms and shared a good laugh trying to capture that beauty on a camera phone. priceless.
With my running I still have all that drive, focus and lofty goal setting and now it's also met with pause and savor.
